Friday, January 02, 2015

Depression Day 2 - Do I look better?

I had coffee with a friend today, a good thing for me to do because it is so easy for me ot hide out in the house and only communicate with people on social media.  Anyway, this person had not seen me in person for some months and he said I looked better, that I was more animated.   Hmmm?

I have had a very bad last three or four weeks - Christmas is a very core important family event for me, it always has been.  This year I never managed to get into the spirit until the 24th.   I could not take joy in something as simple as my tree - the magic of the season to me is wrapped up in a candlelight tree.    On December 31st I was felling very alone.  Christmas and New Year are now over.   I am just recovering enough from a deep trough of depression that I look good?

I do not feel much better, I just do not feel as bad as I had been.   He had not seen me over Christmas so he would not have seen how low I had managed to get.    My reaction to him telling me I looked better was slightly shocked, I do not feel much better in general.   I was almost defensive at him saying it.  

I am not sure what else to say today.   I think I might leave it at this because it is later in the day than I had expected and I have various things to get done around the house etc.

Happy - 4
Energy - 5
Stress - fluctuating between 6 and 9

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